Costa Rica you little devil, you just threw a massive curveball at me!
So I have what I call a travel ‘hit list’, places that I want to visit. I don’t usually know ‘why’ I want to visit them and I generally don’t do much research before arriving. I like turning up and seeing where it takes me but WHOA Costa Rica you little devil, you threw a massive curveball at me!!
For context, if you don’t know me, as of March 2015 I have been 100% location independent (so I have no home base, I travel the world with my laptop).
Costa Rica sounded like a gorgeous destination to work from.
And it was. Gorgeous, I mean:
Also turns out it was hugely transformational and confronting too!
It all started whilst being in an absolutely beautiful area of the world, working with the most incredible women, totally loving my business…
…and wondering why the hell was I still feeling so UNFULFILLED.
Have you ever achieved a big dream and then thought to yourself, hang on a minute:
“Is this it??”
I even feel bad saying it, people would pay money for what I had created and I was feeling like – hey where’s the brilliant stuff I was expecting big U??
I did the work, I got here – now why doesn’t it feel amazing??! That wasn’t part of the deal.
You might feel it too sometimes, a bit let down.
Anyhow here I was, unfulfilled and feeling ready to tackle it once and for all.
There started some deep soul searching, lots of inner work. I tapped, I journaled, I meditated, I wrote in my journal about what I was ‘satisfied’ with (proof to my mind that I wasn’t unfulfilled) and bit by bit things started to get clearer and clearer…or juicier and juicier.
I calmly allowed all the shifts and thoughts to come and go. I found it fascinating to watch what was coming up. Actually, it was super interesting to watch. I love this stuff even if it feels HARD at the time.
Every single day a new realisation arrived in my journal, and I have to say the hardest part of this whole process was the getting started, the very first ‘why do I feel unfulfilled’ moment.
Because I didn’t have the answer and it didn’t make any sense.
From there it’s just been a massively exciting unraveling of thoughts and beliefs that have been holding me back from playing a bigger game.
“I can’t put my finger on it, I’m living my dream life and yet I’m not happy’
That was the journal entry where I started to dig a little deeper.
I was feeling pretty frustrated with myself too. Like I wasn’t giving it my all to my business, or my life. I was still playing it safe. I wasn’t showing up properly. I was holding back.
I was holding back. Whoah. Why JB??
One of my big fears is being average and mediocre, now even I can see I’m not those things, but my mind had decided that I was.
And I believed my mind. 100%.
And of course, my actions (holding back!), meant that I could keep proving my mind right.
And the a-ha moments just kept coming, the last one was about my choice of lifestyle.
I suddenly, out of nowhere, felt like I was stuck in between two versions of me:
- the old backpacker Jo who is 25, carefree and ‘wings it’
- the 40-year-old me, the successful business owner, who has grown up and wants more
I was stuck somewhere in the middle not really nailing either of them.
No wonder I was feeling unfulfilled.
Maybe I was having an identity crisis.
Maybe I was just catching up to where the person I had now become was.
Maybe it’s just what happens when you hit your 40’s.
Either way, what started with a journal entry about feeling unfulfilled has led me to my next mission and adventure which feels very exciting.
Before I got to Costa Rica I was in the resistance stage, so it was pretty clear something big was coming.
And it came!
Amazingly I now DON’T feel unfulfilled.
I’m not blocked by limiting thoughts and beliefs.
All the work and all the letting go has basically just brought me to the next fork in the road.
Do I go left or do I go right?
I’m no longer satisfied with the small game I’m playing, but am I ready to play a bigger game??
I’m still processing this but I wanted to share with you that no matter what you can see on the outside, we are all on our own journey. Every stage of the journey looks different.
For me it feels a bit like I have outgrown the old me and I’m ready to catch up to where the 40 year old me now is. She needs me onboard if we are going to #livebig together.
So thank you Costa Rica for everything you brought me, I’ve made my decision, I am turning right!
What I want you to take from this is…
If you’re feeling the resistance and the frustration at the moment, like things haven’t slotted into place, keep on going.
Gift yourself time every day, (even if it’s just 5 mins) to do the inner mindset work. And sit in the emotions that you are experiencing, don’t push them down, they are popping up for a reason.
Hit the journal, give yourself space wherever you can, keep coming back to the present moment. Allow the thoughts to rise up and watch them with curiosity.
Your shift is on it’s way and when you get out the other side you are going to feel AMAZING.
Make sure you tell me all about it!
Love Jo x